new hair

new hair

All red and black.
What do you mean you can't see the black?
Oh.
Well, ok, so its not all that clear.
Its black around my hair line, and under the long bit, and in bits all over the short back bits.
Kind of random.

And now I'm off to have it trimmed for wednesdays product launch, and fun time at the races and stuff.

Growing up

The students at my biggest girlies school had to grow up quicker than they wanted to today.

Two of their number were killed in a head on collision with a BMW on a country road last night.

I know that road.
Its a little twisty road running down a steep hill with a 90 degree bend at the bottom, and then through a villiage where there is barely room for 2 small cars to pass.
If you know it, you still have to kep your wits about you and assume that you'll meet something coming the other way that you can't see till the last minute.
And thats in daytime.
At night, its as scary as hell, and often used as a shortcut to avoid the motorway.
and there have been so many accidents there.

Most of thestudents were shaken, all of them stunned, and quite a few found it hard to cope with [ my own daughter amongst them] and went home.

She's rather more quiet than normal even now, hours after she's stopped crying, and keeps coming down to explain to me something that's happened.

One minute she's fine, and the next you can see her thinking about it, and her eyes fill, and then she blinks it away.

Suddenly they have all realised that they aren't invincible.
That they can be hurt.
That sometimes there's nothing that you can do.

And i have the knowledge that it might have been her in that car.

But for the grace of god.......

What was i thinking?????

I tried on the black dress again.
With the hair not done, and the wrong shoes on.
But so i could decide which necklace to wear.

Options:-
1/. Bling. big loud crystal set necklet all white and sparkly.
2/. less bling. siver dainty flower set necklet with matching bracelet and ring.
3/. even less bling. my great grandma's silver and marquesite dainty leaf and drop necklet.
4/. black and beady victorian style choker.
5/. pearl and gold with a central droplet pearl necklet.
5/. classic floating grey freshwater pearl necklet.

So I shouted to Emma to come and tell me what she thought.

And she came in and did that screwy up nose thing that she does when she thinks I'm wearing something that doesn't quite work.

so I asked her to take a pic with my phone.

*whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*
*grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

I look like a bloody sausage.

Well, ok, perhaps its not that bad.
But the sheen on the satin shows off every lump that I would rather it hid.
And somehow my waist has dissappeard.

Ah bugger it.
And yes, you know it's coming.....

*SIGH*

At least the skirt and bustier should arrive on tuesday or wednesday, and i hope they'll look better.
Otherwise i will be spending the weekend scouring the shops for something long and suitable.

*stops self reaching for the biscuits*

Bah

Yes, once more I'm in sighing mode.
Sad sighing mode unfortunately.
Feeling unable to say anything because I know that nothing that I say can make any difference or improve things.

I hate it when things don't go well for friends that you wish the world for.

I look around me and I see life crapping on people for no other reason than that it can.

I see my eldest daughter just starting to grow into an adult, and I know that all of this is likely to come to her too, and I wonder if I'll be able to help her when it does, or keep my mouth firmly shut when i can see that things aren't right but that if i say what I see she will not be helped by it.

I know that part of being a parent is to just be there for your child, to comfort them when whatever happens happens, and i'll always be there for both of my girls if they'll let me, but I still dread it happening.

I look at Dave and know that he's worried about not being able to get another job, and that he feels that he's let us down by not doing things differently in the past, and i know that its his fight. He knows that I don't think any less of him, but that still doesn't stop him from feeling like that.

I look at my mum, and i know that she's aware that time is something that Marek and her don't necessarily have, and I wouldn't do anything to stop her being happy with him, even thouhg it means that I lose her again.
And I'm aware that my feeling that way isn't the reality of the situation, but that its my own fight to come to terms with.

I look at my life and feel that I've accomplished so little, even while i can't think of more than a few small things that I'd have changed even if I could have done.

And yet ......

*sigh*