It's amazing what goes through your mind while you watch TV.
Human nature is a strange and sad thing.
I often have difficulty telling people things that I think or know that they won't like, and i feel that I'm less of a person for not biting the bullet and actually speaking out.
A couple of things have happened recently that have made me think more about this.
Some have affected friends of mine, some family, and some people that i know but who I'm not close to.
And the thing that has connected all of them is the fact that in each case a person has acted in such a way as to try and make other people put pressure on someone else in order to make their lives easier or to make themselves feel less culpable for whatever has happened.
And its something that I don't understand.
I don't understand when people use their children as pawns to get back at their ex spouse/partner.
Even when things were at their worst with my ex husband i would never have dreamed of slagging him off to my daughter or stopping him seeing her.
Whatever had happened between us didn't change the fact that she was his daughter and that they love each other.
As she's got older i have explained more about why we didn't stay married, but I've always tried to be fair and balanced.
And as she's grown up its helped her to accept her father for a whole person, and to understand some things that happened around her when she was with her father and his family .
I don't understand it when someone thinks that their ex partner owes them anything when a relationship breaks up.
No matter how horrible a break up is, there must have been something that held them together, and hopefully that includes a sense of respect for each other, so if something ends it ends.
There's nothing that can change that.
I don't understand it when someone uses their standing within a group to try and exclude a newer member of that group for personal reasons.
It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth .
If a group is public then its public, and it means that there may be members who don't get on in it.
Hopefully if they are adults they can agree to dissagree.
So i don't understand why someone would actively ask other members of that group to get them banned.
And mostly i don't understand why i didn't say anything.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Sunday, July 02, 2006
weekend stuff
Its been hot and sweaty today.
All weekend actually.
And a weekend of really looking at what goes on around me.
SATURDAY
I went up to town on saturday after work, stopping off at my mums on the way for a change, and getting there just as Marek and her were discussing the survey results of the new palce that they were buying.
i stopped for a cup of tea and a quick chat but i don't feel as comfortable there as i used to.
Its not that I'm not made to feel welcome, but I sometimes feel like i'm intruding a little.
Then off to London for a non-specific mind emptying trip.
I like going up and doing more or less nothing as much as I enjoy going and visiting the galleries etc.
I find it calming to sit with a cup of tea and watch what's going on around me.
On saturday what was going on around me was the England game and Gay Pride.
A volatile mix :D
I've rarely seen so many fit muscular guys in one place.
Apart from some pissed fans i had no hassle but the sound of the police sirens in the rather too near distance made it clear that it wasn't like that everywhere.
On the way home I got to talk to mum about the serious money implications of the sale and now feel much happier that she won't be left in the lurch should something go wrong between the 2 of them.
Of course ,as per usual it meant that i didn't leave her place till past 10.30 so by the time i got home it was nearly midnight, and jo was again asleep.
I feel bad that when i take space for myself she misses out on time with me.
At least this time her dad was able to take her out to her school fete rather than her having to stay longer round her nans, so she had fun, but still.....
SUNDAY
Sticky sticky sticky.
Its days like this that I wish we were closer to the coast.
Most of the day was spent sitting in the garden.
Jo [ having got told off for squirting everybody with her waterpistol and soaked my newspaper ] sat with her feet in her wastepaper bin which she'd filled with water and handwash liquid.
Dave sat with his foot up and managed to get through about 6 botles of kronenbourg while he read his newspaper.
Emma regaled us with the run down on how her great grandma had coped with the birthday lunch at a chinese restaurant that her dad had organised.
And me....
Well i read my paper [and was suprised to find a piece in there about postsecret ]and sat and thought.
Oh and i weighed myself again.
And I've lost 6lbs.
Now i don't know whether to leave that little bit of information in this blog.....
.....but you know, if I don't acnowledge that i NEED to lose it and that I am CONSCIOUSLY doing something about it then i allow myself to drift back into the same old habits that got me in this situation in the first place.
All weekend actually.
And a weekend of really looking at what goes on around me.
SATURDAY
I went up to town on saturday after work, stopping off at my mums on the way for a change, and getting there just as Marek and her were discussing the survey results of the new palce that they were buying.
i stopped for a cup of tea and a quick chat but i don't feel as comfortable there as i used to.
Its not that I'm not made to feel welcome, but I sometimes feel like i'm intruding a little.
Then off to London for a non-specific mind emptying trip.
I like going up and doing more or less nothing as much as I enjoy going and visiting the galleries etc.
I find it calming to sit with a cup of tea and watch what's going on around me.
On saturday what was going on around me was the England game and Gay Pride.
A volatile mix :D
I've rarely seen so many fit muscular guys in one place.
Apart from some pissed fans i had no hassle but the sound of the police sirens in the rather too near distance made it clear that it wasn't like that everywhere.
On the way home I got to talk to mum about the serious money implications of the sale and now feel much happier that she won't be left in the lurch should something go wrong between the 2 of them.
Of course ,as per usual it meant that i didn't leave her place till past 10.30 so by the time i got home it was nearly midnight, and jo was again asleep.
I feel bad that when i take space for myself she misses out on time with me.
At least this time her dad was able to take her out to her school fete rather than her having to stay longer round her nans, so she had fun, but still.....
SUNDAY
Sticky sticky sticky.
Its days like this that I wish we were closer to the coast.
Most of the day was spent sitting in the garden.
Jo [ having got told off for squirting everybody with her waterpistol and soaked my newspaper ] sat with her feet in her wastepaper bin which she'd filled with water and handwash liquid.
Dave sat with his foot up and managed to get through about 6 botles of kronenbourg while he read his newspaper.
Emma regaled us with the run down on how her great grandma had coped with the birthday lunch at a chinese restaurant that her dad had organised.
And me....
Well i read my paper [and was suprised to find a piece in there about postsecret ]and sat and thought.
Oh and i weighed myself again.
And I've lost 6lbs.
Now i don't know whether to leave that little bit of information in this blog.....
.....but you know, if I don't acnowledge that i NEED to lose it and that I am CONSCIOUSLY doing something about it then i allow myself to drift back into the same old habits that got me in this situation in the first place.
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